Why fear of losing makes you perform worse, and the one question that fixes it
By Yogesh Pandey · 22 October 2026 · 2 min read
When you speak to avoid looking bad, you perform worse than when you speak to win. In a study of professional footballers, players scored about 92% of penalties when a goal would win the game, and fewer than 60% when a miss would lose it. Same feet, same ball. The skill did not change. The fear did.
The penalty kick
Imagine a penalty kick in the last minute. The whole stadium is screaming. He knows that if he misses, his team is out.
How often do pros score when a goal would win the game? Nine out of ten. And when a miss would lose the game? Less than six out of ten.
You do the same thing in meetings
You do not talk to win the room. You talk to not look stupid. You are not bad under pressure. You are playing not to lose.
The question I ask before I speak
Here is how I play to win in a meeting: I ask one question before I speak. Not “what if I mess up?” but “what do I want them to get?”
Play to score. Not to not miss.
- In your next meeting, before your first sentence, ask once: “What do I want them to get?”
- Speak to that answer, not to the fear of looking bad.
Source: Jordet & Hartman (2008), Journal of Sport & Exercise Psychology.
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