How to stop overthinking conversations before they happen
By Yogesh Pandey · 22 October 2026 · 2 min read
Ask yourself one question: “Am I fighting something that hasn’t even happened yet?” Overthinking is not preparing. It is practising losing. The version of you in your head is always worse than the version other people actually see, which is what research on social worry has found.
The shower fight
You are standing in the shower and suddenly you are fighting your boss, about something that never happened. He says, “What did you do?” You say, “Sir, with all due respect…” Then he says, then you say.
Twenty minutes later the water is cold, and you lost a fight that never happened. Then the real meeting comes and you are already tired.
The you in your head vs the you they see
You lose those fights because you are too ready for the worst. The you in your head is shaking and losing. The you people actually see is calm.
Overthinking is not preparing. It is practising losing.
The question that ends it
Now I ask myself one thing: am I fighting something that has not even happened yet? That is how I win those fights, by not having them. Why fight something that never happened?
- Next time you catch yourself in a shower fight, ask the question.
- Then turn the water off.
Source: Clark & Wells (1995): the imagined self-image is worse than reality.
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